“Rethinking Romantic Relationships: Why Dating Like a Disciple Leads to Lasting Love”
Have you ever asked yourself, “Why do I feel the need to move fast in relationships?”
In friendships, we take time to get to know people, to build trust, and to cultivate depth. In small groups and church communities, we slowly grow in faith together, learning from one another and walking alongside each other in the ups and downs of life. But when it comes to romantic relationships, many of us are in a hurry.
We want to know quickly if this is “the one.” We rush through emotional intimacy, sometimes even physical intimacy, without truly building a foundation. And when things don’t work out, the pain cuts deep because we invested so much, so quickly, without the time needed to discern if it was truly aligned with God’s purpose for us.
But what if we approached dating and relationships more like discipleship—the way Jesus built relationships with His followers?
Building with Intention, Not Emotion
Discipleship isn’t just a Christian buzzword—it’s a process of growth, accountability, and transformation. Jesus didn’t rush His relationships. He called His disciples, walked with them, taught them, and challenged them. He invested deeply, allowing time for real transformation to take place.
Imagine if we approached relationships the same way—not rushing based on attraction or feelings, but intentionally seeking growth, shared purpose, and spiritual alignment before diving in too deep.
Proverbs 19:2 (NLT) reminds us:
“Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes.”
Moving too fast can lead to regret, heartbreak, and the painful realization that the relationship lacked true substance. Instead, we are called to be wise, discerning, and intentional with our time, energy, and emotions.
Personal Reflection: When I Rushed Ahead
I have to admit, there have been a few relationships where I probably rushed in, despite knowing deep down that we weren’t headed in the same direction. I once made a conscious decision to date someone even though, from our very first conversations, it was clear that we were on different spiritual paths. I told myself I wanted to “try something different.”
He was a believer, but he didn’t go to church, and faith wasn’t an active part of his life. On the surface, he checked all the right boxes—hardworking, financially stable, a nice guy. But when it came to deeper connection, things started to unravel. I often felt like I couldn’t fully express myself or be transparent, and eventually, when I did try to open up, it backfired. He wasn’t someone who liked to share his emotions, and there were unresolved wounds from his past that made vulnerability difficult for him.
The truth is, I knew better. But I met him at a time when my own confidence wasn’t where it needed to be. I was unemployed, searching for a job, and not in the best mindset. And here’s something important I’ve learned—we should be cautious about stepping into relationships when we’re in the midst of instability or emotional turmoil. When you’re struggling, it’s easy to settle for someone who provides comfort in the moment, but as you regain your strength and confidence, you may realize the relationship was never truly right.
Eventually, I had to leave. Not because he was a bad person but because our foundation was never strong enough to last. And looking back, I can see how rushing ahead and ignoring key signs led to unnecessary heartbreak.
Are We On the Same Mission?
One reason many relationships don’t work is that two people are not on the same mission spiritually. The Bible warns about being unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14) because when two people are headed in different directions, no amount of love or attraction can bridge the gap.
“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3, NKJV)
In small groups, we seek community with those who are seeking the same things in God’s kingdom. Shouldn’t we do the same in dating? If the relationship isn’t grounded in faith, aligned in purpose, and bearing good fruit, it might be a sign to pause and reassess.
The A.T.O.M. Principle for Relationships
This is where my A.T.O.M. Principle naturally fits in—because it’s not just about healing after a breakup. It’s also about laying the right foundation from the beginning.
- Acknowledge & Assess: Am I rushing this relationship out of loneliness, pressure, or fear? Is this truly aligned with my values and God’s plan?
- Turn Inward & Turn Upward: Have I sought God in this? Am I looking for someone to fulfill what only God can?
- Own Your Story: What patterns have I repeated in past relationships? What do I need to change to build something healthy?
- Move Forward: How can I take intentional steps to develop a relationship that grows in faith rather than rushing into something that won’t last?
When we take time to go through these steps, we protect our hearts and ensure we’re not building on sand (Matthew 7:24–27), but on rock—God’s foundation.
Waiting is Hard, But Worth It
Culture teaches us to rush, but God teaches us to wait on Him.
Isaiah 40:31 (NIV) says:
“But those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Waiting on God doesn’t mean doing nothing—it means preparing, growing, and becoming the person who is ready for the kind of relationship God wants to bless you with.
Reflection Questions:
- Have I ever rushed into a relationship and later realized it wasn’t aligned with God’s purpose?
- Am I prioritizing emotional and spiritual growth, or am I looking for quick validation?
- What would change if I approached relationships like discipleship, focusing on shared mission and spiritual alignment first?
A’s Love Action: Take time today to pray over your relationships. Ask God to reveal if you’re moving too fast, and if so, invite Him to redirect your steps toward something intentional, lasting, and aligned with His purpose.
Final Thoughts
Relationships should not be microwaved—they should be slow-cooked with intention, wisdom, and spiritual depth. If you’re single, this is your season to prepare, to grow in faith, and to allow God to refine your desires. If you’re dating, take a step back and ask—are we truly building something with God at the center, or are we rushing based on feelings alone?
Let’s stop rushing into relationships that leave us broken and start building relationships that glorify God.
What’s Next?
If this post resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Drop a comment below or share your experiences with rushing relationships vs. building them intentionally. And if you’re looking for guidance in navigating this season with wisdom and faith, check out my resources on emotional and spiritual growth!
