“Screens Can Connect Us, But Only Presence Transforms Us: A Real Talk on Digital Discipleship”
I once received a late-night message from a brother in Christ. It was a short prayer—thoughtful, respectful, and kind. But it stirred something in me I wasn’t prepared for. Not because he did anything wrong, but because I was still healing. That simple digital exchange reminded me: technology connects us, yes… but it also tests us.
That moment came to mind recently as I read Boyd Pelley’s insightful article, “How Do You Think Technology Has Changed the Way Discipleship Is Practiced?” In it, he outlines how technology has reshaped our ability to grow in Christ, serve the church, and stay connected with others.
And while his words resonated, I felt a nudge to explore an even more tender question:
How is this playing out in our relationships with one another—especially between men and women in the Body of Christ?
What does healthy digital discipleship look like when we’re walking this faith journey side by side—sometimes from a distance?
🌟 The Good: What Technology Makes Possible
1. More Touchpoints for Encouragement
Technology makes it possible for brothers and sisters in Christ to offer spiritual encouragement in respectful, meaningful ways. A prayer over text, a voice note filled with Scripture, a shared worship song—these little moments can be lifelines, especially for single moms or those in seasons of healing and transition.
2. Co-Laboring Digitally for the Kingdom
Men and women are partnering in podcasts, virtual small groups, and even online courses—all centered around making disciples. When grounded in accountability, prayer, and clarity, these collaborations reflect the beauty of God’s design for unity, not confusion.
3. Access to Teaching—But With Caution
The explosion of Christian podcasts and content is a blessing—but also a call for discernment. Not every message under the label of “Christian” leads to Christ. We must be careful about whom we let speak into our spirit. Still, it’s been beautiful to see how the church has adapted—especially since COVID—to offer worship, teaching, and community in digital spaces. I personally benefited from virtual services and virtual life groups during seasons when in-person wasn’t possible. But still…
You can’t beat being in the room.
There’s something powerful about gathering together—in worship, in prayer, in fellowship. I remember when I was in in-person life groups, the sisterhood, the hugs, the laughter, the laying on of hands—it couldn’t be replicated. Now that I attend a virtual life group through another church, it works and serves its purpose—but the connection isn’t the same.
⚠️ The Risk: What We Must Watch For
1. False Intimacy Can Form Quickly
It’s easy to mistake digital vulnerability for true connection. I’ve been there—where kind words from a spiritual brother online began to stir emotional attachment I hadn’t expected. Especially during times of healing, those blurred lines can lead to confusion or heartache.
2. Technology Can’t Replace Life-on-Life Discipleship
Discipleship isn’t just about passing along knowledge—it’s about watching someone live it out. Boyd’s words stick with me: “Ministry is carried on the life.” That’s hard to replicate through screens. We need presence. We need people. We need to see the faith walked out.
3. Distraction Steals Depth
We live in a world where our phones are always buzzing. That constant distraction pulls us out of real connection—with others and with God. Whether it’s a moment of prayer, a discipleship conversation, or even a potential relationship… Jesus deserves our full attention, not our phubbed (the act of phone snubbing, which occurs when someone in a social setting shifts attention to a smartphone instead of engaging with others) leftovers.
💬 A Personal Reflection: From Online Connections to Discipleship Friendships
There was a time in my life—early 30s, raising a child, working, and in school—when online connection was the only option. I wasn’t looking to date, but I did explore connection. I spoke with a gentleman in another state for over a year. We were never exclusive, but we never met in person either. It was what it was—but it never became more.
Even now, we’re still “connected” on social media, but there’s no relationship. And that’s the truth: you can have connection without communion. You can exchange words without truly sharing life.
Today, in this season of discipleship and deeper purpose, I’m more intentional. What I long for now are not casual online exchanges but discipleship friendships—spiritual connections rooted in Christ, not convenience.
🌿 Final Word: Technology Is a Tool—Not a Substitute for Presence
Technology can support discipleship, but it cannot sustain it. It can connect us, but it cannot transform us. That happens in presence—in life-on-life walking together, in worship together, in the daily choices to grow alongside real people, not just screen names.
To all my sisters walking this road—healing, hoping, discerning—know this:
You don’t need more DMs. You need deeper discipleship.
You don’t need to be always online. You need to be firmly rooted.
**You don’t need to chase connection. Let God shape community. **
A’s Love Note: ✨ What About You?
Have you experienced both the blessings and burdens of digital connection? What has God taught you about presence, boundaries, and spiritual relationships—especially with the opposite sex?
Let’s grow together. Leave a comment or share with someone who needs this reminder.
With grace & growth,
Allegra 🌿
Creator of Divorce Is Not My Name
