“Why I Never Spoke Negatively About My Ex-Husband: A Guide for Single Moms”
One of the earliest commitments I made as a single mom was never to speak negatively about my ex-husband in front of our son. This decision wasn’t always easy, especially in the early days after our divorce, when emotions were raw and forgiveness felt like a distant goal. However, I realized that the way I spoke about my son’s father would shape how he viewed not only his dad but also himself.
This commitment wasn’t just about parenting—it aligned perfectly with my A.T.O.M. Principle, a compassionate framework for healing and growth after divorce. Each step in the A.T.O.M. process—Acknowledge & Assess, Turn Inward and Upward, Own Your Story, and Move Forward—guided me as I navigated co-parenting with grace and intentionality. By applying this principle, I found a way to prioritize my son’s emotional well-being while honoring God’s call to live and speak with love.
Acknowledging & Assessing: Recognizing the Impact of My Words
The first step in the A.T.O.M. Principle is to acknowledge and assess where we are emotionally and spiritually. After my divorce, I had to confront my pain, frustration, and bitterness toward my ex-husband. I realized that if I didn’t deal with these feelings, they could easily spill over into my parenting, affecting how I spoke about him in front of our son.
Acknowledging the power of my words was a turning point. I asked myself:
- How will my words about my ex-husband shape my son’s identity and self-worth?
- Am I letting my personal hurt overshadow my role as my son’s teacher and guide?
I assessed that speaking negatively about my ex, even if it felt justified, would ultimately harm my son. This awareness helped me take ownership of my emotions and intentionally choose words that would uplift rather than tear down.
Turning Inward & Turning Upward: Seeking God’s Strength
The second step in the A.T.O.M. Principle is to turn inward for reflection and turn upward for spiritual guidance. In those moments when I felt tempted to vent or criticize, I turned to God in prayer. I asked for wisdom to guard my tongue and grace to see my ex-husband through God’s eyes, even when forgiveness felt difficult.
Turning inward also meant reflecting on my own behavior. I had to admit that my words carried the potential to either build a bridge or erect a barrier between my son and his father. Turning upward, I leaned on Scriptures like:
- Proverbs 18:21: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
- Ephesians 4:29: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.”
These verses reminded me that God was calling me to speak life, even in the midst of pain. By seeking His guidance, I found the strength to hold my tongue and choose peace.
Owning My Story: Choosing to Be an Example
The third step in the A.T.O.M. Principle is to own your story. Part of owning my story was recognizing that while I couldn’t change the past or control my ex-husband’s actions, I could control how I responded.
I chose to own my role as a co-parent who set the tone for our family’s healing. By refusing to speak negatively about my ex-husband, I taught my son the value of grace, respect, and honor. I wanted him to see that forgiveness wasn’t about excusing someone’s actions—it was about freeing yourself from the weight of bitterness.
Owning my story also meant setting an example of integrity. I wanted my son to grow up understanding that it’s possible to disagree with someone while still treating them with dignity. This lesson became a cornerstone of his character, shaping how he interacts with others to this day.
Moving Forward: Creating a Positive Legacy
The final step in the A.T.O.M. Principle is to move forward. For me, moving forward meant releasing the need to control how my ex-husband was perceived and trusting God with the outcome. It also meant being intentional about fostering a positive relationship between my son and his father.
Moving forward didn’t mean pretending everything was perfect—it meant making peace with what was and focusing on what could be. By choosing not to speak negatively, I created an environment where my son could love both his parents without feeling divided or conflicted.
This decision has borne fruit. My son grew up with a healthy respect for both his parents, despite the challenges we faced. He never had to feel like he was caught in the middle of our disagreements, and he learned valuable lessons about grace, forgiveness, and honor.
Final Thoughts: Choosing Words That Build Up
To my fellow single, divorced moms: I know how difficult it can be to hold back negative words when emotions are running high. But remember, the way you speak about your child’s other parent can shape their heart and identity. By applying the A.T.O.M. Principle, you can create a legacy of love, respect, and grace that will impact your child for years to come.
Let your words reflect the healing and growth God is working in your life. Speak life into your children, their future, and even their relationships with the other parent. In doing so, you’ll create an environment where they can rise above the statistics and walk into their God-given purpose.
A’s Love Notes:
- How can you acknowledge and assess the impact of your words on your child’s relationship with their other parent?
- What Scriptures or prayers can you lean on when you’re tempted to speak negatively?
- What steps can you take this week to move forward in fostering a positive co-parenting relationship?
